Crazy Real

the official blog of author and poet Jennifer Wilson

Page 3 of 8

Risky

She lived
tempest-like
with clouds in her eyes
and rain at her heels
when she passed through
the debris of his heart
littered 
the ground
but 
(he said)
things seemed greener
sky scrubbed clean and blue
air fresh and sweet
and so he 
found himself
caught up in her turbulence
wound round and round
her center
dizzy
from the heady
winds she blew
but
(he thought)
perhaps 
he was not
so unlike her
after all
it takes a special kind of
crazy
to chase a storm.

Knowing

Sometimes she knew
with absolute certainty
that her life
was going to end
in chaos and destruction
and in those moments
she felt 
a certain 
calm
resignation
to the inevitable
an unshakeable
apprehension
that
she had lived her life
true
to the imbalances
of her mind
and the instability
of her soul
and whoever held on
through the tempest
did so
freely
and being fully cognizant
of the hazards
involved
and with that
in mind
she opened her mouth
and drank deeply
from the
dark streams
that overflowed
her heart.

Newsworthy

The world’s
gone crazy
it seems
and all you hear
is how bad 
it is
wars and
pestilence
and planet earth
trembling
in anguish
reporters
eager
to tell the
worst
of what
is coming
but the news
crews
were not at
my house
when my 
five year old
did a
somersault
for the
first time
and smiled
eyes dancing
turning
his beaming
face
up 
to me.

Remembrance

There are
bruises you can’t 
remember getting
and pains
whose origins
you can’t recall
there are
rough patches
that used to be
smooth
and when 
did that happen?
blemishes
where once
purity reigned
not to mention
aches in the heart
from longings
long forgotten
but sometimes
the voice in your heart
whispers 
of those ages-dormant
yearnings
and that spark
that is buried
blows up 
full
and ready to devour
and then you feel
alive again
and ravenous
for life.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, tomorrow,
that wonderful word!
it’s marvelous, mystical,
not the least bit absurd
to think that the things
I ignore every day
will all get resolved
in some later way
for no matter how big
insurmountable seems
it’s never so bad
in those future dreams
tomorrow, tomorrow,
you’ll always be there
unwavering and constant,
and able to bear
the brunt of indolence
and all good intentions
the I’ll-get-to-it-laters
and procrastinations
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I’ll get to it when
tomorrow arrives
and not worry til then.

The End

Oh if I were
A tiny bird
I would not think
It all absurd
To flit and fly
From stem to sky
And worry not
and never cry

And if I were
A senseless thing
I’d never think
What days might bring
I’d rest beneath
A shady leaf
and never know
the hand of grief

To be so small
Inconsequential
Would be, to me,
Most providential
For I would stay
Out of the fray
And never care
From day to day

The goings-on
Of higher planes
Would never cause
Me any pain
I’d turn my back
And have no lack
In sunshine
Or in rain

Yet woe is me
Human I be
And as such
Cannot be so free
I seek and strive
To feel alive
And find that I
Can’t be so blithe

Yet some day now
Both large and small
Will find their end
Is all in all
the scythe will come
we’ll be undone
and fall to earth
as one 
by one

So life as dust
we’ll leave behind
we’ll shake it off
and never mind
then souls 
as winge’d things 
will soar
away from pain
forevermore.

Heaviness

There is a heaviness upon me
and it is not just the ten or so pounds
that I want to lose
there is
a density filling the gaps in my brain
where the synapses are supposed to fire freely
it weighs me down
fastens me firmly to the earth
though I long to fly
I would unhinge my skull
if I could
release the accumulated detritus
from the many long years
of self-incrimination and excoriation
watch it ooze away
into the sewer grates and drains
where it belongs
wash my brain clean
in the scattered rain showers that fall
in the late summer days
warm,
and wet,
and healing
and I would dance
in the puddles
of grey matter
overflowing
the edges of my head
lift my mouth
to the unburdened clouds
and know freedom.

 

Skip to the End Available on Kindle through Amazon

So I have published my first novel, a contemporary romance called Skip to the End, on Kindle. It should be available for purchase as a paperback within a week. For now, get it for $2.99 and get to reading immediately! You can check out the first couple of chapters by clicking on the “look inside!” button on top of the book image. Here’s the jacket copy:

“Madeline King is twenty-two, independently wealthy, and living a life of luxury on the Gulf Coast of Alabama. She never planned to fall in love but when a family with twelve children vacations on the beach where she lives, her best laid plans come undone. The eldest–good-natured and dependable Reuben–captures her eye, and before long, her heart. But can Madeline, bipolar and prone to flights of fancy, handle a relationship with someone “normal”? Her best friend, the brooding Nick, questions the wisdom of her getting involved, but are his doubts for Madeline’s good, or does he have his own reasons for keeping her away from Reuben?

Skip to the End is a gritty, human tale told from the perspective of one for whom each day is a struggle, but who is learning that life is a journey worth living and love is a risk worth taking. Laced with humor and philosophy, Madeline’s story will resonate with readers who enjoy the unpredictable and quirky.”

Let me know if you read it, and, more importantly, if you like it! And let me just say, I’ll love you forever if you post a nice review. If you don’t feel comfortable writing a review (and not everyone does), then there’s the option of just filling in the *stars* portion of the review process.  It’s fairly simple and takes just a few moments, but would mean the world to me!

Get the book HERE.

Small

I want to do the great big things
that startle and amaze,
that turn the world upon its ear-
cause all to gape and gaze.

I want to do the major works
that echo throughout time,
that beat a tempo of their own
within the banal rhyme.

I don’t want repetitious things
that never seem to end;
The road that travels straight and long
with never any bend.

I begged my god for broader scope
upon which I could dwell.
He said “just take this little thing
and learn to do it well.”

I yearned to be the big event-
the grand-finale close-
He filled my life with day-to-day
and told me “I’m in those.”

“You ask to be a bigger part
but you don’t see my view.
If you would truly know my heart–
The little things are huge.”

flight risk

even
when things
are going well
the pull
to be gone
is strong.

even
when all
is balanced
medication
working
it’s there.

the pain
never goes
away
entirely
it gnaws
at the marrow.

and the
idea of death
is one that
comforts
and soothes
and beckons.

even
when I
can see
the myriad
reasons
to stay

even 
when things
look fine
the desire
to fly away
remains.

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