Month: January 2017

A Glimpse

Sometimes, this weird thing happens in my heart, and it feels like the machine, which heretofore was chugging along the rails clickity-clack, just flies completely off the track.

Sometimes it’s going through a tunnel when it just stops with a groan and leaves me there, suspended in the black.

Joy flees. Hope evaporates. The truth dies down to a whisper; the doubts and fears shriek and gibber.

Inside my head, it’s a tornado of thoughts. They fly back and forth faster than I can even process them. I find it hard to move; like my limbs have weights attached. Just getting into the shower requires monumental effort.

Everybody thinks I’m stupid. I am stupid. People are sick and tired of my bullshit. I’m sick and tired of my bullshit. Nobody cares, nobody understands. Nobody wants to get close. Nobody should get close. It’s dark in here. Really, really dark. People prefer the light. I have none to offer.

I grasp for medication. Not just the bottles of pills that are prescribed, but other, illicit, unapproved medication. I wish I had access to LSD to stop the blackness, even just temporarily, from consuming. I would do it if I could. I would do a lot of things. Instead, I punch walls, punch myself, sleep, retreat, pull away, dream about ropes and knives and the sleep that never ends in miserable awakening.

Despair.

I want to run away. Far, far away, so I stop hurting the people I love. They would be better off without me, this is the truth.

This is my truth.

This is life in my head.

 

Noah Knows News!

After MUCH travail and gnashing of teeth on my part, NOAH KNOWS IS NOW AVAILABLE and ready for purchase here! The price is higher because making the print bigger made the entire book longer; more pages, more money. I still think it’s affordable, however. IF YOU BOUGHT A COPY of the unreadable version, PLEASE contact me at my email address (sandyfeet (at) beautifulheritage (dot) com) and I will send you a FREE COPY of the new version, complete with autograph if you want it! Thank you all for your patience and support.

Argh

With some sorrow, I have decided to take Noah Knows off the proverbial shelf until the font size and several errors can be fixed. I hope to have it back and better than ever soon. Thanks for your patience.

New Year, New Novel

VERY excited to announce that Noah Knows is now in print for your enjoyment.  Noah Knows, previously published in installments here on Ye Olde Blogge, is complete and entire in paperback at the low, low price of $7.99 plus free (Prime) shipping. Click here to order your copy today!

 

 

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